She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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