I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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