hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
