just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
