Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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