there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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