I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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