I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
