if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
