super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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