she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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