Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
