oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
