were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
