It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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