Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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