So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
