Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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