is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
