and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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