So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
