i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
