I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
