Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
