Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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