she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
