Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
