Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
