So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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