So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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