I just threw up on my dentist
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
