Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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