Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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