How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
