Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i think im in europe. pls send help
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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