I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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