I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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