i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
