My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
