i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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