We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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