apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
