After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
