Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
