I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
