i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
