When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
two words...techno handjob
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
