Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
