I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
