On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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