I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
