hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
