It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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