It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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