Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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