She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
me + whiskey = a bad person
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
